I'm not sure what I'm willing and not willing to share on my blog. I used to believe that most people that read this would be because they know me or are someone who knows someone who knows. So I figured I'd share pictures, etc. But the other night I came across a blog where the sickos actually "hunted" fat people and took pictures of them to post on the blog. Heavy people from all over the U.S. And that really upset me. They call us "FUPA"s and their definition is "A FUPA is a Man or a Woman so afflicted by obesity that their pubic area is used to store patches of soft fatty waste. Often sighted at work, the food court at the mall and Walmart, they can be spotted in families, or occasionally traveling in groups called 'schwaggles'."
Every person has their good and their bad traits. There are people who have metabolisms like a hummingbird and never have to watch what they eat at all...and on the other end there are people with slow metabolisms who don't eat that much but still struggle with weight and then there are all sorts of people in between.
I know, personally, I deal with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which causes obesity. It's also the reason I went through 7 years of trying to get pregnant and subjected myself to needles, surgery, and everything in between. I can lose a certain amount of weight - but once I get to about 200 pounds my body decides that's IT. And at 200 pounds I'm still obese. At 200 pounds I trained and completed a half marathon. Guess what? I didn't lose any more weight! And at some point I give up because if I'm still going to be 200 and have to starve all day and not eat the foods I love...why bother? If I could weigh even 165 I'd be pretty darn happy...and it'd be worth exercising every day and eating next to nothing. But 200 pounds isn't worth it.
The only time since I was a teenager that I managed to get down that low was doing a diet where I ate 600-900 calories a day...AND I ran 2 miles a day...AND then I passed out in the grocery store...AND then I lost my gallbladder (and $10,000 since we didn't have insurance). Sad thing is, it was still worth it. It was worth it to feel normal. To buy normal size clothing. To fit in all the normal places. To not feel like everyone was looking at me. To be able to wear a 2 piece swimsuit. To go out on dates. (Before marriage days.)
What pisses me off - is we make it worth sacrificing our bodies (ie starving, overexercising, etc) because of people like these creeps with the blog. Because we feel like freaks and they make us feel more like freaks.
This time I'm not going to starve myself. I'm going to go Weight Watchers and I'm going to do it reasonably. But I don't know if it'll be enough. I don't know if I can get below 200. Maybe I should be in a more positive rah-rah mood right now. But I've been here before. What makes this time different?
And as much as I've literally struggled and worked this over the years...how DARE these idiots think this is funny enough to take pictures and further ridicule people like myself (who I'm sure have struggled similarly)?
So, what I've decided to do is that if you want a start picture and update pictures you need to post a comment or send me an email and tell me how you know me (unless I know you well enough not to have to state that info!). If I feel safe enough I'll send pics...if not, no pics for you! I'll also post my losses and gains, but not my overall weight.
Jane
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2 comments:
Jane,
Hang in there and you can do it. I know it's hard and frustrating. I also trained for a marathon and didn't lose any weight :-) Don't worry about what others think--just do this for you!
I know what you mean. I feel for you. I tried the Atkins diet because my sister did and she lost 60 lbs on it, but with the 4 times I tried it, literally EVERY single time I tried, I ended up in the ER because of gallbladder problems. Funny thing is that I didn't even HAVE my gallbladder. But I had scar tissue that had developed and was causing the same symptoms when I ate fatty foods, and I found that the Atkins diet without the eggs and meats is incredibly boring and not reasonable!! I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life--even when I was 9 mo.s prego, sad to say, and I've just passed the 200 mark. But ya know what, I think that it's not about the numbers (the big 200), it's more about how I feel about myself. Right now I want to exercise more, but I HATE diets, and so I'm just going to start the treadmill more. I also have thyroid problems which I have a hard time controlling because the larger dose that I NEED causes chest pains and acne. Just what I DON'T want at 35 yrs. of age--acne! :) Well, I know it's a struggle, and I wish I knew how to be a support for you (I never had any so I don't know what to do?) but maybe as "sistas" we can be there for each other. :) CONGRATS on your new job, btw. And GOOD 4 YOU not giving in to that choco cake and donuts!!
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